What is an empath

The Empath Guidebook is now live

This is a work in progress. I will add things as I think of them or learn about them so check back here from time to time.

Last updated: 04/05/2012

Free e-book:

The Empath Guidebook (version 1)

This is a book written for the new and advanced empath.

It is split into two sections.

- A look at the signs of being an empath and tips on what you can do.

- Bach Flower Remedies for empaths, which explore which BFR help for helping to gain empathy under control.

Download it here

Feedback is welcome.

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This room, while once started as an empath chat room has evolved into many other facets.

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Empaths! You are not alone!

In spite of the all the other content on this site, the one word that gets searched for time and time again is: Empath. At the time of writing, there has been well over 40,000 searches for this word alone.

There are many like you, and many who are going through what you are going through, and very much understand. And there are answers and methods of coping with being an empath.

But you're probably asking:

What is an empath?

I get this question a lot, so let me try and explain just exactly what one is.

An empath is someone who picks up on the emotions and / or feelings around them. It may be the feelings of someone they are close to. It might be the general feelings in a room or even when there is a very strong emotion around the world, such as fear.

I believe that we are all empaths at some level, but it seems the majority are so low level that they aren't aware of any other feelings but their own. They might be considered the lucky ones.

The ones who are prone to problems are what I call high level empaths. They are the psychic sponges of the universe, absorbing the emotions and psychic pollution that is around them. Most of the time, they don't even know they are doing this, and do not understand that the feelings they feel are not always their own ones.

For example, you may be feeling good, but suddenly, for no apparent reason, you experience a drop in your emotions. This might be due to a friend or partner dropping in their emotions and you are picking up on this. This is a sympathetic attachment, and it's not unusual for someone to feel down or depressed in sympathy with another. Unfortunately, it's not healthy, either.

Many high level empaths who pick up feelings like a sponge, tend to do so because they are ungrounded. This means, part of them does not want to actually be here on this planet, and so their spirit is 'out there' rather than in their body. This becomes a vicious cycle, as the more ungrounded you are, the more negativity you can pick up, and the less you wish to return to your body.

Grounded people are rarely swayed by another's feelings, even if they do feel them.

Empaths often suffer greatly because they do not understand what is happening to them. They are not aware that their feelings are not their own. They do not understand why they are feelings depressed, anxious, desponded, etc, and rarely will they actually connect it to others.

Most high level empaths are prone to clinical depression and are prone to take on the problems and pain of others, as though that will lessen it.

Many are driven by feelings of guilt, feeling bad if they feel good, and others don't. They will attempt to match their moods in order to show solidarity and sympathy, however, this ends up making things worse for both you and the one you are trying to console.

Being an empath doesn't have to be all bad, though. It can be a very powerful and potent tool for connecting with others and helping them to heal. It can also bring an incredible amount of joy if you are able to control it.

Early warning system.

A very useful side of being empathic is that you can tell when someone is doing something behind your back, or if something important or serious is up. I've used this at work a number of times to uncover problems that were potentially damaging to me and to hit them on the head before they could do any harm. To others, it might well seem that I'm incredibly lucky or... psychic!

Energizing people and place.

As well as being a sponge, the empath can often be a sender of emotions and energies. If you are able to identify the source of the distress, you can send a stream of positive energy, joy and love to it, and actually change what is happening.

You are more powerful than you may know!

When two empaths get together...

Two empaths together can be a fatal combination if both get caught on a spiraling downwards circle. For instance, one might pick up their partner being distressed and down. This will distress them, which will in turn cause them to feel even more stressed and down, which will further distress the partner, and so on.

The problem with this cycle is that things might well return back to normal very quickly if they weren't being perpetuated by the other. Having experienced this, I often got frustrated that things would go well beyond where they should have because we kept on feeding of each other.

One way to break this cycle is to name it and discuss what is happening. As the tendency is to not discuss what is happening, this can be harder than it seems, especially if you feel that you're on a rapid downhill slide and all you wish to do is curl up and hide away in a hole from the rest of the world.

Another annoying thing with two high level empaths is that if you are focused on your partner, friend, or whatever, and you take your attention away from them, even if they are on the other side of the world, they will pick up on this instantly. Let me tell you that this is not only no fun, but it is incredibly draining. Empathic people should not get together unless they have their powers under control.

Being an empath can be quite a challenge. Many don't know they are empaths and many have no clue what to do with such an ability.

You may be an empath if:

Below is a list of traits (though some may call them symptoms) that people experience when they are highly empathic, though not all will experience all of them. This list is not inclusive.

· You may be very sensitive to noises. They may not be loud, but they feel like they go right through you.

· You are sensitive to harsh lights, strong smells. The energy of these things can actually induce a state where you are experiencing strong feelings triggered by them.

· It’s a real trial being at places such as parties, nightclubs where there are so many people that you can barely move, and the noise is so loud that you try to leave your body until it’s all over and you get to leave. An empath will often try and leave such places as soon as it’s politely possible. They cannot understand how people can go to these places night after night, or even how they could be enjoying themselves.

· You may also hate crowded places such as shopping plazas, train stations or just too many people in the same room. Normally it’s a place where there is chaotic energy, and the people around you are stressed and just want to get what they are there to do over and done with.

· You may experience periods of anxiety for no apparent reason. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to let it go, or get over it, and you have no idea why.

· You are clinically depressed, or feel depressed for no apparent reason. Once again, no matter what you try, you just can’t ‘get over it’.

· You carry a lot of guilt, even if it’s for another’s action or for something you have done that has been received in a way you did not expect or desire.

· You feel over sensitive to if people want to be around you or not. Indeed, if you sense that you are not welcome somewhere or by someone, you will hastily make the quickest retreat you can.

· You feel ungrounded. That is, you are all in your mind, rather than your body. When you are somewhere where you do not feel comfortable, or are bored, or just do not wish to be there, you will often retreat into your imagination, and travel to far off and distant places. Anywhere but where you are.

· You can always tell how someone else feels, even if they tell you something else. This is often taken personally, though generally, it’s just the other person having issues, which have nothing to do with you. The closer you are to someone, the more you will fear it has to do with you.

· You tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. You make extremely sure that someone has been given every chance, and more, before you act to stop them from doing something that may be hurting or putting you under pressure. Even if this person is acting like a complete jerk, you’ll still try to give him understanding and compassion. Sadly, in this current world, doing such things are often abused, or worse, you end up being the bad person.

· You feel a great connection to animals and things of nature, including plants and trees. Indeed, you may sense the energy of an area very strongly, be it positive or negative.

· If you see someone in distress, pain or who is suffering, you will automatically feel bad along with them, in order to show they are not alone. You may even feel their physical pain and certainly feel their emotional pain. You may actually feel guilty if you do not empathize with such a person and will often put aside your own needs, even if you happen to be feeling good. You cannot abide another’s suffering.

· You may have an overwhelming desire to help, heal and save others from themselves. It is important for the empath to not jump right in and try to ‘fix’ someone who they perceive to be going through a rough time. This is a trap many empaths can fall into, but often their help is not always welcome, or worse, their help is abused, and the empath ends up being used and drained of emotional energy and resources. An empath has a way of discerning if they should be helping someone or not. I call them ‘Soul Calls’.

· You have an inbuilt lie detector. Someone can be telling you a bare-faced lie, but you will know if it’s not true. The interesting thing about this is that you may not know right away, but you will know, and often quite soon. People will often have a window to try and fool you, but once you’ve had time to consolidate all those feelings, you will always know if someone is trying to lie to you, or manipulate you.

· Many empaths are natural healers, and have the ability to heal others either with the laying of hands, or from a distance. Empaths are generally drawn to healing, or a profession that aids others in some way.

· If someone find something funny or sad, or has a strong opinion about a certain subject, you may find yourself agreeing with them, in order to match their energies. Then you may find yourself doing it with the next person who comes along. You always find yourself in agreement with who you are with and you only feel your true feelings when you are along. This doesn’t mean you are wishy-washy or weak, it means that you are tuning in to who the person is and what they are feeling, and allowing their energies to overwhelm yours. Many empaths do this because they feel it will help build a rapport with the other, but all it really does is invalidate who you are, and no one thanks you for it either. Standing in your own space and power can be quite challenging for an empath.

· You don’t feel like you belong to this world. Indeed, the empath will often feel like a fish out of water, and honestly believe that they don’t belong here. That’s because the behaviour of others are so strange and alien to them, they just can’t relate.

· You may feel overwhelmed by too many people, energies or emotions happening all at once. Being an empath is like being a psychic sponge. If you do not have control over your abilities, and know how to purge, you will eventually go into toxic overload, especially when there is so much psychic pollution out there. Sometimes having a cleansing shower can work wonders.

· You and others consider yourself a highly sensitive person. Even the smallest change in moods can be picked up by you. It can be very disconcerting.

· While someone may be an empath, it does not limit them to just being an empath. They may also have or develop other psychic abilities, such as telepathy, channelling, clairvoyance, etc. Empathy is one branch of our psychic abilities.

· There is no shame in being an empath. You should not have to hide this from others, or even yourself. Who you are is a blessing, and you have the potential to enrich other people’s lives so much that they will flock to be around you. The empath can not only receive emotions, but they can also send, and where they feel pain in others, they can, instead of taking on the pain, choose to send joy and healing instead. You can literally bring someone out from their deepest despair just by doing this, and being you.

Unless you are an empath, you will find it hard to understand what it's like. Many non empathic people will simply pooh pooh the concept. Some will feel uncomfortable if they believe that another can read their feelings.

Being an empath is more common than people might think. Women, by their nature, are more prone to being empathic. Males are less common, but possibly suffer more as they don't fully fit into being with 'real men'. That does not mean that an empathic male is gay, but just less interested in the earthier things. Many will have little interest in cars, sports, people blowing up each other, etc.

Being an empath does not make a person any better than another. It's simply another ability. Not does it make a person chosen, special, spiritual or automatically good. Those things come through your intentions, your actions and your goals.

When I first found a spiritual community many years ago, I discovered three things: Having psychic abilities does not make one spiritual, good or knowledgeable. In fact, i was quite appalled to see how many just had egos that were running out of control. The three things are quite exclusive.

You can be spiritual without being good or knowledgeable.

You can be knowledgeable without being good or spiritual.

You can be good without being spiritual or knowledgeable.

Some of the most spiritual people I know have no apparent psychic ability.

So being empathic does not mean you are any of those three. That comes from who you are, what you do and what you have taken the time to experience and study.

I say this because there is a perception that if you're an empath, this makes you somehow better than another. It certainly makes you different, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. But be wary. Don't use it to big note oneself. Use it wisely. Tell others when it's appropriate. Don't just bring it up out of context. Far from being impressed, most people will find it annoying. Some may even resent you.

The reason I give this caution is that being an empath, you will pick up on these things. You will find that the rush of finding out that you are empathic can easily be countered by what you get from another.

I've met quite a few people who claimed to be empaths, but interestingly enough, they never seem to really pick up on what I'm feeling. I remember having someone proudly proclaim to me that he was an empath while being totally oblivious to the fact that I was one, too.

I would suggest that they would be medium level empaths. Those who do indeed have empathy, but it's limited and not very highly refined.

I believe a high level empath can tell who is an empath and who is not pretty easily. Distance isn't really a barrier as you can pick up a sensation, a type of feeling from others.

It's also not uncommon for an empath to be somewhat telepathic. They are able to pick up people's thoughts. I believe what happens is that the empathy attunes you to others vibrational levels and this in turn attunes you to the vibrational levels of thought. Normally, though, it's a very subtle thing and you don't tend to notice it unless the other person says something.

So you've just found out that you're an empath. What do you do now?

Leaning to deal with empathy can be tricky, especially if you're not in a good space.

One of the things I had to do to help gain control over my empathy was to stop feeding my dramas. The Celestine Prophecy put four main drama's into a nutshell. (Aloof / Interrogator / Intimidator / Poor me.) I used to be aloof and then fall into poor me mode. Even though i certainly didn't enjoy it, and even though they never worked for any length of time, I never saw myself as being in a drama. To my mind, I was the misunderstood soul battling against all odds in a world that didn't understand less care. (I still thing this planet is seeped in massive insanity, but I no longer feel like it's me against the world.) In truth, no one really notices that much when you are aloof. They just assume that you're not interested. Poor me / victim people are generally avoided as they can be draining

The thing with dramas is that they are hard to accept that you are in them while you are in them. What's more, even if you know you are in them, you really don't care and it just annoys and anger you for someone to point it out. It was not until I made the decision to consciously stop entering into them that things really started to change for me..

One of the keys was being honest with myself. I would often pretend one motivation while really secretly harbouring another. And yes, my reasons were always sound, but they were not the real reasons I would do things. Ultimately, such behaviour ends up being counter productive and denying your real reasons for doing something, even to yourself, does not make them any less real or valid.

This can be dangerous behavior for an empath to indulge in because you are unwittingly creating chinks in your boundaries.

Boundaries are the limits you set for yourself. They are very important, especially for an empath, because once you've set them, and more importantly, enforce them, then you will start to know where you end and others begin. Limits such as, for example, refusing to be drawn into someone's drama. Refusing to take on the guilt of someone else. Not getting involved in pointless gossip. Those are just examples. What you choose to define is completely up to you, but whatever you choose, do your best to enforce it.

By setting boundaries, you are also defining yourself, and that is why it's important to be as honest with yourself as possible. By pretending another reason for doing things, you are leaving yourself open because you are creating a limit which you are not aware of.

Self Analysis

Know who you are

One of the problems with being an empath is being overwhelmed with many emotions and feelings all at once.

It can be likened to being a receiver that is receiving a dozen different broadcasts at the same time. Too much information is incoming, and you don’t know where one begins and the other ends.

This might be the experience of the newly awakened empath. One who has
no idea what is really happening, and finds themselves unable to cope with the ceaseless amounts of mostly negative feelings and emotions.

So how do you start to take control of you, who is the receiver. What can be done to help tune out what you do not wish to receive, and only receive what you want, when you want, from who you want?

Unfortunately, there is no quick and easy solution to this, though the younger you are, and the less trauma you’ve had during your life, and the more support you’ve received, the easier things will be.

And while tools, such as the wonderful Bach Flower Remedies will help you on your journey, the question still remains, how do I even start?

One of the keys is to know where you begin and end. It’s about knowing who you are and defining your boundaries and limits.

Here are some techniques I’ve found to be useful in that regard.

Be completely honest with yourself.

This is more challenging than you may think. It’s not unusual for people to have one motive, while pretending another, even to themselves.

We hold an image of ourselves that, while idealistic and who we wish to be, may not be quite who we are at this point of time.

You may be doing something for what appears on the surface as altruistic reasons, and you might tell yourself that, but often there’s a motive you’ve hidden, even from yourself.

These reasons, even if you do deny them, still exist, and pretending otherwise does not change anything. They will not cease to exist because you wish them to do so. In fact, they will fester and grow, especially when kept in the darkness of your soul, eventually becoming malignant and causing havoc in your life.

One example that springs to me, was when I was having problems with a staff member at work. She wasn’t being cooperative, or turning up, or doing the work, which I ended up having to do. I was making a case to have her dismissed, and I was telling myself that this was for the good of the company and my department. However, my guides pointed out to me that the real reason I was doing this was because I was angry at this lady, and I wanted her gone. And while I could justify what I was doing six ways from Sunday, the fact was that this was really what was driving me on.

I had hidden that fact from myself, because myself image was one of a person who did not act in this way. But I was, and regardless of how justified I may have been, I still had to accept this and admit it.

Interesting enough, once I did, the desire to have her dismissed faded, and though it was seven years ago, this person is still with us even though she has not shown any improvement. And while I am frustrated from time to time, I don’t pretend I am otherwise.

Another example was once I was picked up for walking across a railway line that had no train coming. But, as the lights were flashing, for the other side, I was still fined $200.00 for this indiscretion. In fact, I could have driven across in my car, and been fined less, or if I had robbed a house, and attacked the occupants, I would have probably gotten off with a slap on the wrist.

I fought this for months, and fumed that I, a law abiding citizen, (and I can’t actually recall breaking any laws, apart from going over the speed limit in my late teens) was being made to pay for something so petty. In the end, I had no recourse but the pay the fine, as bringing this to court would have meant paying way more than the $200.00, and there was no real hope of winning, anyway.
But I was still angry, and eventually, after a few weeks, I suddenly understood that the reason I was so angry was that I wanted to be angry. I wasn’t just outraged by the sense of injustice, I was making a choice to be angry, and did not wish to be pacified.

Once I understood this, I found that, even though it still irks me about the injustice of such things, I stopped being angry and was able to let it go.
Being honest with yourself is a challenge, and it’s doubly so when you are in a relationship, as you often feel admitting weaknesses and problems is akin to being a failure.

We are not failures, though. We only fail when we stop trying. Each experience and issue with have helps to define who we are, and where we wish to go. And it’s only when you start to look at yourself with complete honesty that you can start to change those things within yourself that you are not happy with.

Self observation is a very important part of this process. Watch every move you make. Question it. Ask yourself, is this who I really am, and if not, what is it I am trying to achieve here. And be honest with your answers. You may not always like them, but once you know them, you can start to change them.

Knowing who you are is the first step to self mastery, and gaining control of your empathy.

Techniques for coping:

Take a shower.

This is a very simple technique, but it can help enormously. Take a shower or a bath. Water helps wash away the psychic pollution that you have accumulated during the day. Stand or lie in it, and imagine light showering you and all the days takings being washed away.

I can't cope without my nightly shower.

Do something physical.

Running, walking, sports, tai-chi, yoga,, etc. This can help greatly. Do what makes you feel good. When you feel good, you will be more in your body.

Bach Flower Remedies - This healing tools are invaluable for an empath. They help clarify, crystallize and bring comfort. Before I knew I was empathic, and before I had been introduced to the remedies, I used to have extreme highs followed by sudden drops in my moods. I would go from feeling great to anxious, depressed and down within a few moments. I would try and catch myself as i did this and try and follow a flow to bring myself back up, like trying to recover a kite that's about to crash to earth. I never succeeded and I really hated feeling that way. Certainly nothing I tried made much difference. It wasn't until I started using the Bach Flower Remedies that I was able to take control of this. Nowadays, I can say that I'm pretty happy and content and if I feel a downward slide, I am able to identify the cause and take the appropriate remedy for it. It did take me a few years to work out which was which, but years of constant theory and practice have certainly helped me become proficient.

Bach Flower Remedies guide for the empath

If you are feeling ungrounded

The key is wanting to be here. Often physical exercise can help a lot, as it tends to bring you back into your body. Sometimes you can bring yourself back by sheer force of will.

Of course, I would also recommend Bach Flower Remedies, but it greatly depends on what is causing the ungrounding.

If the ungrounding is caused by known fears: Mimulus.

If the ungrounding is caused by terror and panic: Rock Rose

If the ungrounding is caused by dreaminess: Clematis.

If the ungrounding is caused by shock / trauma: Star of Bethlehem.

If the ungrounding is caused by guilt: Pine.

If you are feeling uneasy

Aspen: This is a valuable remedy for those we are experiencing feelings of unease. You just sense something is wrong but can't work out why. Aspen can help protect against astral influences and help clarify or ease the sense that something is wrong. It also helps if you're pick up on fears of another.

Red Chestnut: Concern for another is also another major reason why we can become ungrounded or become open to others feelings and fears. Personally, it drives me nuts that people will worry about me and when I ask them why, they just say it's the way they are. Red Chestnut is a very effective remedy to counter that.

Walnut: The link breaker. Especially useful when you're trying to escape the influence of another person.

Mustard: This is for those who are sensitive to negative energies. They will become depressed for no apparent reason. While aspen will help vague fears, mustard will help the feelings of depression.

Gorse: Very good for when you feel things are hopeless. Empaths can often feel like there is no hope because they are feeling so much of the negativity around them. Taking gorse can certainly help.

Gentian: This would be useful for when you no longer believe that things are going to work out. It's an excellent remedy to use with Gorse.

In general:

Agrimony: Many empaths try to maintain a brave face because they don't want to bother anyone else. They may be feeling tortured by their feelings, but they won't let on. This can be extremely harmful. Agrimony brings relief.

Centaury: Some empaths can't say 'no' to others. Normally because they have a overwhelming desire to please and serve, and they feel guilt if they refuse someone can perhaps cause them pain of disappointment. Centaury really can help there.

Pine: As states above, many empaths take on the guilt of others. Guilt is the great destroyer, and can really ruin a life. Pine is an amazing remedy for those feelings of gult.

Cherry Plum: An empath sometimes will hold it all inside, and get more and more frustrated, eventually this can cause an explosion. Cherry Plum helps diffuse this feeling.

The best place I've found to get the Bach Flower Remedies is at Skylark Books.

How to cope with being an Empath.

One of the most difficult things about being an empath is the feeling of isolation and loneliness. Most people you tell don't understand. They either think you're crazy, dismiss you as a freak or look at your blankly, wondering what the heck you're talking about. Worse still is the feeling and doubt that you, yourself, might really be crazy.

A support network is something that could help a lot. Though, the web has a few groups that cater for other empaths, they are not always active and some of the people are not even empaths. I certainly think the time has come to start such a network. There are certainly enough people out there. I've set up a group for those who are looking to connect.

There are two groups I'm aware of on yahoo that might be worth joining.

Also there are various chat rooms which are geared towards the psychic side where you will find other empaths.

The good thing about being an empath is that distance doesn't make any difference. You can be on the other side of the world and your connection will be just as strong. So a support group is much easier to create than you might first think.

http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/EmpathSupportGroup/

http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/empathschool/

http://empathcommunity.ning.com/,

This is a fast growing empath support group and well worth checking out.

And don't forget the Google Group:

Empath Support Forum

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Chakras

Chakras are energy centres in your body. By visualization techniques, you can open and close them. If they are wide open, they can leave you very vulnerable to energies and psychic influences. This is not a good thing for the empath. Many people open them while meditating, and while it certainly enhances the experience, they forget to close them down afterwards.

When someone has been overwhelmed and is feeling strange, I often suggest they shut their chakras a little and it always seems to help them.

In conclusion:

Being an empath can be a wonderful experience. It can truly be a gift. It may not always be a bed of roses, but if you are able to embrace it, understand and use it, you will find it can enhance your life like sight being given to a blind man.

You can find me on the empath support forum or feel free to e-mail me at xeraphax@gmail.com

I will respond to all e-mails, generally pretty quickly.